I turn around just as I'm closing the door And look up embarrassed to see everyone on their knees wide eyed staring at me in shock. and grabbed my shoes and socks and my bag all in my arms and basically bolted out the door. I got up, attempted to roll up my yoga mat but couldn't do it, so I just kinda chucked it to the side. My face flushes red and I have tears in my eyes from the embarrassment. I hold in my butthole nice and tight to make sure no farts escape again. I thought oh good, gonna get a nice crack in my back again. The teacher then came around and pushed everyone down lower. We then go down on this position where we stretch right out but our legs are like a frog on the floor. I continue attempting thede ridiculous positions and suck in my core. I gather my resolve and say you know what? Whatever. I'm thinking, do I leave? Do I leave the country? Is this happening? IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Not only do I look like a slob but now I stink too. I died inside and now I officially smell like something has also died inside. But then we move to some position where my heads between my legs, and the smell hits me like a punch to the nose. They're quiet, so I'm thinking holy f**k, thank god for that. My farts stink like something mixed between a rotten egg and an incineration plant.Īnd somewhere between the dolphin position and the three legged dog two of those burning garbage eggs slip out and I fart. Now for the past few weeks I have had IBS Symptoms like something crazy. and that's when I started to feel my guts. I am a yoga girl!! Look at me so fit right now. We started doing these random positions, moving into the upward facing dog and I feel a nice crack in my back, thinking i can do this.I totally love yoga. "Welcome" she smiled while her skinny body moved down like a slinky. "Okay" she asked me a few more questions where I fumbled my way through and then I started talking about my muscle separation and her eyes glazed over and I trailed off. And I am blessed with your company" I don't know why I said that, probably because I'm a social idiot.Īnd she said "oh sorry I was after your name." We are blessed with the company of.?"Īnd then I replied with. Then ashram yoga guru says loudly "oh we have a new member tonight. They all take off their socks to reveal manicured toes and here I am with my froddo feet, trying to hide in the corner so I don't have to talk about my personal life. So I'm looking out at all these slender women with their nice tight yoga pants, and mine with the 80's flare at the bottom. is talking to everyone and like talking to them, she's saying "how's Daryl and his leg.?" And I'm there hiding in the corner thinking "please for the love of god do not notice me"Įveryone's taking off their socks and I'm thinking oh lord, my toes are hairy and I didn't shave them, I only dry shaved my ankles in case my pants ride up. this is 'im going to go to a high place of enlightenment' right here.Įveryone's talking to each other and the trainer, yoga master, limber yoda, whatever. (Just a slight fire risk you guys), I'm thinking, holy shit this is real yoga, not like 5, 6, 7, 8 and stretccchh. We got into the class and it was dark and there's candles everywhere. I got the pair that looked less "Ball-y" from sleeping in and yanked them up nice and high and got a clean top. I put on a pair of yoga pants, because for someone who has never done yoga, really, I seem to own a lot of yoga pants. So you know, I am trying to get fitter and fix it so it was suggested by a physio to try yoga. Yeah it's not good and my stomach kinda points out like a cone. Having kids separated my abdominal wall like Moses parting the Red Sea. "I'd like to say I'm making this story up, but alas no. Laura Mazza, who runs a blog called " Mom on the Run", just shared an embarrassing story about a recent Yoga experience that will have you in stitches! Mom With 'Frodo Feet' Shares Hilarious Story About Farting In Yoga Class
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